“Should”

April 12, 2013
2:36pm

Leo,
There are so many things that I “should” be doing right now. At the funeral home, I thought that I should be pushing your stroller into the handicap stall in the bathroom and I was so sad to realize that I wasn’t pregnant and I didn’t have you in a stroller.
I thought to myself, I should have you with me right now. But I don’t. And if god thought I should have you, I would. Truth is, I am supposed to be here, planning my 3 week old son’s funeral. I don’t know why, and it kills me. But I trust that god didn’t give me more than I can handle. I love you so much.
Love,
Mom

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