Too painful

Leo, It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. I hope you know that I haven’t forgotten about you…the reason I haven’t written is actually quite the opposite. On 6/20/13, your Papa Augie, my dad, passed away. You already know this, I’m sure. I am feeling numb right now. First my son, then my […]

The next day

4/12/13 7:48am Dear Leo, I woke up today so sad that you were not in bed next to me. I wanted to reach out and hug you, smile at you, kiss your sweet warm baby cheeks, and give you breast milk as we doze in and out of sleep; just like we did every day […]

Not Enough

Leo, I saw your picture today at work and it hit me hard…you’re really gone.  Nobody is going to knock on my door or call me to say that you’re back; that there was a cure; that this didn’t really happen.  It’s really over and my heart is hurting so badly.  I know that you’re […]

Mixed up

Dear Leo, Sometimes I find myself feeling so dizzy. I think that the stress of losing you, of watching over your sisters extra carefully, of waiting for a final cause of death, of mourning, is getting to me physically. There are days when I just can’t stop crying and I literally cry all day long. […]


Leo, Alyssa told me about a dream she had of you. After a really long and difficult day, this story was like a cold drink of water…refreshing and quenching. She said that she dreamed of you and that you said, “Don’t worry about me Alyssa, I’m with God now. And also, a new baby is […]


Leo, Today is one of the hardest days I’ve had. I woke up this morning and your dad was questioning himself all over again; “Was it my fault? Could I have been responsible for your death? Was it “overlay”? I know I wasn’t on top of the baby, but I doubt myself.“ God, that is […]


Leo, Sometimes I’ll be doing something totally ordinary, like making breakfast, and I’m reminded that I used to hold you while I got the ingredients prepared…and I start to miss you all over again. You were such a bright ray of sunshine in my life and I miss you and love you in a way […]

Turning point

Leo, I still have trouble accepting what happened to you…to us. It breaks my heart so painfully to think that you would, could, should be here with me…with us. I miss kissing your sweet baby cheeks. And every time I remember my last moments with you, and your two last sweet little sounds, the remains […]