Sometimes I’ll be doing something totally ordinary, like making breakfast, and I’m reminded that I used to hold you while I got the ingredients prepared…and I start to miss you all over again.

You were such a bright ray of sunshine in my life and I miss you and love you in a way I’ve never felt before. This incessant longing and waiting for you to return to my arms is so damaging to my heart. My head and my heart are at war over this loss. My head understands what sids is. My head understands death. My head knows you’re gone. But my heart? My heart can’t understand why you’re gone, it can’t understand death or sids, and it doesn’t want to accept that you’re gone forever. Every minute of every day feels like a losing battle for my head. More often than not, my heart wins and I’m left standing in the valley of shadows.

Thank you for helping me accept God and Jesus the very week before you passed away. I know that God is walking alongside me and I know that you are too. It doesn’t make me miss you any less, but I can find solace in knowing that you’re still present in some way. I will hold onto any memory of you or hope of seeing you, sensing you, feeling you, that I can; because its all I’ve got.

I love you so very much Leo. Words cannot express my infinite love for you.


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