Today I experienced God in a really quiet way. I was so busy and God didn’t try to compete with that or try to shout over it, He simply found me when he knew I would be focused inward. On my car ride home I was listening to music and I kept hearing the words “awaken” and “hope”. I knew God was trying to tell me that he is awakening my destiny. That, my heartbreak was the beginning and not the end, as long as I would trust him and let go of fear.
So I mindfully released my stress. Don’t get me wrong, the kids still need me, Zach is still demanding my attention and help, my job is still impatiently waiting for me to return to work, my house still needs to be cleaned, I still haven’t even looked in the direction of a gym since the day before Leo died…the workload didn’t go anywhere. I surrendered the worry, the fear of not being able to finish, of not being good enough, fast enough, paid enough…I let that all go.
I believe in a God who isn’t demanding and doesn’t require perfection or have a lot of crazy rules. I believe in a a God who believes in me whether or not I trust Him! I believe in a God who doesn’t get angry that I don’t pray without ceasing or when I use his name in vain. I believe that the only thing furious about God is His love for us.
And with that kind of love, what’s left to fear?