Your Song

Your dad and I went to disneyland without your sisters yesterday. We wanted to have a moment to connect with each other and make sure we are both grieving separately and together. The last thing we want is for your sudden and unexpected passing allow us to drift apart.

After a fun day at the park, we were riding the shuttle back to our hotel when I began talking about the casket lining party that we are going to have in your honor for the Garden of Innocence ( Your dad said that we could put your picture under the lining of every casket and I laughed and said that everyone can write, “say ‘Hi’ to Leo for us!” As soon as I said that, the song on the radio ended and “Your Song” by Elton John came on. In that moment, I knew you were there with me because that was our song.

When you were born, both Elton John’s “Your Song” and Christina Aguilera’s “Contigo en la Distancia” popped into my head. This always happens when I have a baby, so whatever song comes to me, becomes the song I sing to my baby at night and while I’m breast feeding. Alyssa’s song is “the Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelsson and Lily’s is “Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac. Those were both songs I listened to anyway. But with you, I never listened to Elton John. I knew the pooular songs like “Benny and the Jets” and “candle in the Wind” but not “Your Song”, so I had to learn it…otherwise I would have had the same line playing over and over in my head.

So when I heard it on the radio yesterday just after I asked the Garden of Innocence children to say “hi” to you, I knew you were there. Thank you for that beautiful sign.

I love you so much, Leo, and I miss you like crazy. I can’t wait to see you again. For you it will seem like the blink of an eye, for me it will feel like an eternity. I will wait until the end of time to see you again, my son. I would do anything for you.

All my love,

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