Holding On

Leo and mommy

Leo,

Sometimes I feel like you’re laying on my chest, sleeping peacefully…just like you used to.  I can feel…or sense (probably a more appropriate term) your physical presence.  I just can’t get over how badly I miss you.  I was supposed to be holding you for years and years to come.  We weren’t supposed to have only 26 days together!  My life was not supposed to be what it is today.

That’s what I thought, at least.  I feel such a strong, violent sense of loss, and at the same time, I am so calmed and filled with peace.  It is undeniable that God has his hands around my heart.  He is holding it together for me.  God is moving my life through this pain and using it to make me a better person, a better mother, a better friend, a better wife.  Can I just say though, that I really don’t like God’s plan very much?  Mine was much more palatable.

I look forward to the day when I can look back and say, “Wow!  How did I survive that?  That was the WORST time of my life!”.

Anyway…I love you to the moon and back.  You’re always on my mind and in my heart.

Love,

Mom

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