I cannot even begin to describe how heart-broken I am. I miss you so much that it physically hurts. When I think about you the pain literally takes my breath away. I am still so very much in love with you and I struggle to give up on my dreams for you. I miss holding you. I miss not knowing what it feels like to try to save your child’s life. I miss thinking that I’m in control…my safe bubble that I used to live in. I miss watching your sisters sleep and not panicking because i think they died in their sleep too.

I am a mess without you, son. But the truth is…I was a mess when you were here too. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to go on living after all that I’ve been through. I think that’s the truly amazing part of being a faithful Christ-follower. I will do the natural, and God will do the supernatural (Joel osteen said that). As long as I get up every day and live my life in Gods grace, he will see me through it all.

I anxiously await the time when I can see you again.

I love you Leo.


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