Right now is the time of year when you were alive and what we perceived to be well. I struggle with these alternate realities that play through my mind and heart. There’s the memory of last year; of holding and kissing you, and welcoming the final piece of our family puzzle into our lives. We were so very happy and felt so complete. Then, there’s my current reality, living without you…which leads to the second alternate reality ; the one where I imagine what life would be like if you hadn’t passed away. It’s all so overwhelming and confusing. What do I believe in? Do I hold onto the memories? Do I let go of dreaming about you? Do I stand still and suffer because my arms are empty? Which of these realities are actually mine?
I’m sure God will guide me through this and I’ll figure it out in due time.
I love and miss you. I wish I could kiss your sweet cheeks, see you smile, or hear you cry once more. Goodnight my sweet boy.