Capture Your Grief-Day 9- Family


Leo,

My idea of family changed so much when your sister Alyssa was born.  I had no idea what love was until I saw her sweet little face as the nurse tenderly placed her on my chest as soon as she was born. The world was trusting me and your dad with this little person!  The world was trusting us to do right by her, to teach her how to not only be a good person but to be a good steward of our resources, and to be a thoughtful contributor to humanity. 

I was not prepared for any of that!  I was just figuring life out myself.  But being a mother was a challenge that I accepted with open arms and an open heart. And it’s been so fun, and exhausting, and hilarious, and devastating. 

And with that, we welcomed Lily into to the world, confident in our parenting skills and with a plan for our future.  What a beautiful girl Lily was and is. It was incredible to see our two girls interacting and becoming something greater than the sum of their individual parts. 

Then one day we were surprised with another positive pregnancy test. It was you and I was so scared because I wasn’t ready for a third.  But we trusted that God didn’t give us more than we could handle and we knew we could overcome our fears. They were nothing compared to the blessing we knew you were. 

We had 26 days to figure out life with three kids and it was awesome. We had so much fun!  We visited so much family, so many friends, saw so many places and things. We were best buddies, you and me.  

And just like that, it was over. 

My idea of family changed when we lost you. It developed into something more substantive and something deeper. Family isn’t just who you can see. Just because you’re gone doesn’t mean you weren’t, aren’t my family. You’ll always be mine. And while a huge part of me feels like my family is missing a critical piece of itself, I’m filled with trust that you are right here with me.  

I love you boy!

Mom

#captureyourgrief

#whathealsyou

#family

#survivingSIDS

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s