May 1, 2013
Hey baby boy,
I have not stopped thinking about you and the adorable faces you used to make. I miss you so much that it actually hurts. I feel like I’m walking a fine line between grief and this bottomless pit of depression. It’s like I can see the pit and I’m constantly making sure i don’t fall in. But what if I do?
I pray that God continues to guide me and leads me down a path of healthy grief, a path where I Can both learn and teach others about grief. I pray that I can inspire others with our story. I know I didn’t lose you, because I know exactly where you are. But I did experience loss which is promptly filled in with regret, blame, sadness, hopelessness, confusion, anger and other temptations. I pray that God keeps those feelings at bay.
I love you Leo. Enjoy heaven! I will be there soon.