If you could know everything that God knows, would you want to? I used to think that I would…and then 2013 happened (is happening). I felt the joy and perfection of giving birth to my amazing son, Leo. I had 26 amazing days with my bundle of pure joy and then I felt the tremendous loss and sadness of having him ripped from my arms because of SIDS.

I felt the glory of being lifted up by thousands of prayers being sent our way and of being surrounded by loving hearts and hands. I felt healing start as I began to establish some regularity in my recently broken life.

And then my dad passed away.

I hoped for the same experience I had with Leo’s passing, (love, compassion, kindness, hope) and I got just the opposite. I saw greed, selfishness, hate, and guilt. I felt suffering and sadness of a different kind.

Today, as I was reflecting on these two experiences, which happened within two months of one another, I began to realize that God sees these things all of the time, times one million. He sees the love and beauty right alongside the hate and ugliness. I only experienced a pin-prick of these emotions and yet, it was enough to humble my mind. I realized that I don’t want/need/get to know and see all that God can…and I’m okay with that.