New Year, Same Me

Leo,

As 2013 finally comes to an end, I feel, well, deflated.  I had hoped that something drastic would change when the new year rolled by, but I don’t think that is going to be the case tonight.  Nothing in my life will change just because the date changes.  But you know what?  My life will change anyway…because I want it to, because i’ll make it change, because I trust in God.  All day long I’ve been getting these weird messages, whether it’s a song that pops into my head, an article I read, or a facebook post I see, all calling me to serve.  So, this year, I will continue to trust in God’s plan for me and I will listen to the little promptings that I get.  I’ve had this inkling for a while now that I need to take that next step with God.  I don’t know what the step is, but as Josh Lawson said a few weeks ago at church, it’s time for me to stop asking “if” and start asking “how”. 

 

My beautiful son, although my empty arms tell me that you should be here with me, I know that you’re exactly where you need to be.  I’m thankful for how 2013 changed me.  In my complete and utter brokenness, God found his way into my life.  My son, you brought me to Jesus.  Your life gave me the greatest gift that I didn’t even know I wanted; Faith.  And your death gave me an even deeper gift, something I longed for; Trust.  Wow. 

 

I know i’ve got a lot of “firsts” to get through without you, but my very favorite one will be my last breath, because it means that I’ll get to see you again.  Until then, I’ve got a lot of work to do.  Our story and God’s involvement in all of it, has the strength to bring others to Him.  I know now, that I’m supposed to help with that.  I’m supposed to do for others what you did for me.

 

Happy New Year’s Leo.  Give your Grandpa Augie a big hug from me.

 

All of my love,

Mom

 

 

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