Close to You

Hi Leo,

I was driving down the road alone one day (I know, how did I pull that off with three kids?) when suddenly I was overcome with intense sadness.  At first I thought it was me, missing you. It was but a brief moment before I realized that the feelings I had; my breath catching in my throat, my longing for a snuggle, my deep overpowering desire to see you again; all of that…it wasn’t sadness. It wasn’t missing you. 

I realized that it was your spiritual presence visiting me and I was so gripped by the feeling of you so nearby that I was overwhelmed. 

Overwhelmed by sadness, longing, joy, love, and reminded of the gaping hole that the absence of your physical presence has left behind.  But it wasn’t just emotions. It was you. It’s actually you visiting me.   

So my sadness has transformed. I’m accepting that all of those feelings are associated with your presence, not your absence.  And it’s been so healing! And I feel you more often and in different ways. 

I love you my boy!

Always,

Mom

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