Today is a really hard day for me and I’m not so sure why. I could not sleep last night despite my best efforts. I am overwhelmed by sadness and stress. The sadness, I get. The stress, though…? I have put my trust in God and I know that he has a plan for me. I’ve accepted that I might not like the way the plan works sometimes (e.g. Losing you), but still, I am worried about things.
How do I make that go away? How do I reconcile those thoughts in my mind? I feel like stress is the catalyst that turns sadness into anger and i really don’t want to live in that state very long.
I want you here with me so badly and I know your dad and sisters miss you so much too. Please just help me stay on track. I will listen to Gods urges and act on them faithfully. Your death will NOT be in vain, my son. I promise to fulfill Gods will…even if its the last thing I ever do.
All my love,