When my dad died, I felt my soul clench and close up. I hid my light from the darkness that surrounded my life, my family, my friends. I was a dim candle light in the heaviest and thickest darkness that you could ever imagine feeling. I breathed in darkness and struggled to exhale light. I was determined to stay light, but it wasn’t easy and certainly wasn’t safe.
Now, five weeks later, I can hardly allow myself to cry. I grind my teeth at night and clench my jaw all day. I watch what words come from my mouth and what feelings are emanating from my soul. It’s time for me to open back up and trust that God will shine his bright white light on my life, no matter how Thick the darkness. God will give me all the strength that I need as long as my heart and soul are open.
It was so much easier to feel God when you passed because the darkness was not allowed anywhere near us. I think Alyssa is battling these same feelings too. I admire her strength and bravery. She speaks to the pink coyotes in her dream, despite the attacks of the green and black ones. She continues to be open and trusts that God will see her through her journey.
I miss you Leo. I love you with all of my soul and I cannot wait to see you again.
I am open. Use me to do your will. I believe and trust in you.