Missing you, missing out

Hi, my beautiful son. I miss you terribly. Today, I was talking about you at the yogurt shop. The lady who worked there was asking about your sister’s age gap and I told her that they are 21 months apart. I proceeded to tell her that you are also 21 months younger than lily. It doesn’t so much hurt me to tell people about you, but explaining SIDS (or rather, not being able to explain SIDS) is so hard. How do I explain that my perfectly healthy (or so we thought) son passed away peacefully in his sleep and we have no idea how or why. It still seems surreal that you came and went the way you did.

Your short little life changed me forever, that’s for sure. But I still miss you every day. I wonder what you would look like. What things we would have done together. What little stories your sisters would tell you. What your dad would be teaching you and singing to you. We missed out on so much life together. Promise me, when I get to heaven, you’ll sing twinkle twinkle and pat-a-cake with me. I cherished those moments with the girls and I’m so sad I don’t get to have those with you.

I love you Leo…so much more than words could ever say.

Goodnight.

Love,
Mom

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