Going Public

So, I’m going to break my usual format and write to you, my readers, instead of to my boy, Leo.  I started this blog when Leo passed away.  It was a place where I could go and tell my son the things I could no longer tell him, since he was gone.  Surviving SIDS has really helped me understand a lot of my feelings and has helped me see where God is in some of my darkest moments.  I often leave my posts with a refreshed, renewed feeling; which is awesome considering how sad Zach and I are.  Consider yourself warned that this site is full of my unfiltered thoughts!  🙂 

We struggle every day with the most benign things because they may remind us that Leo is gone or that we might never get to do whatever it is with him.  We live our lives one day at a time and we SO appreciate the grace that people show to us.  We do our best to show the same grace in return. 

Nobody is perfect; I know we aren’t!  And when dealing with grief, sometimes people say things that they don’t mean, or they just don’t understand how much pain we are in because they’re dealing with stuff too.  We get that and we never want anyone to feel like they can’t be in pain because they think our pain is “worse”.  Pain is pain.   

To all of my friends and family at Journey and otherwise, Zach and I cannot find the words to tell you how VERY thankful we are for your presence in our lives.  We are so inspired by how you let God work through you to bring healing, peace, and joy, to people like us.  The meals you brought us, the hugs we got, the prayers, the cards, everything; we are so, so, so, moved and so thankful!  And even in our dark moments, when we were hurt by the actions of others or when we might have offended someone, God was still there, teaching us lessons. And we are thankful for those tough times too (even though we don’t like those moments very much!) 

We hope that God uses us the same way he has used you to reveal himself through our actions.

Love you all!


P.S.  you’ve GOT to check out the Garden of Innocence Website.  www.gardenofinnocence.com  What an amazing organization!!!!!  Lorraine’s kindness changed so much of our sadness into hope in the very beginning when Leo passed away. She gave us the gift of a handmade casket and it was the first time that we felt like we could somehow go on living.  Wow.  That’s a whole entire blog post on it’s own!  

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