Today was my first day back to work since my maternity leave began in February. Driving in, I posted on Facebook and prayed for god to give me strength and grace today. Driving into the parking lot, I almost had a panic attack. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating, and I was so nervous.
Once I got into my office, it took about 45 minutes before someone came up to talk to me. I had been feeling so lonely. She was really nice and wanted to talk about work drama. It was funny because it seems so insignificant to me. After she left my office I prayed again that God would use me to help his “will be done”.
About 15 minutes later, I got this crazy long text from Aunt Dawnell talking about my strength, and about how she can see God working through me. I so needed that message in that moment. I knew God had used her to answer my prayer.
Here is her message:
“Good morning Angela, I apologize for sending this late, but better late then never…..right? I want you to know that you and baby Leo are on my heart each and everyday, actually you all are but especially you. Angela you are the most courageous young mother I have ever known,you and Zach are absolutely amazing young parents and have just grown in your walk with The Lord in such a contagious,courageous and wonderful way. It has made telling your story so much easier because of the way both of you have let The Lord lead you through one of the most challenging times in your life…..when most would or could have taken it in a whole different direction,instead you let your faith in God grow and just grabbed onto it and ran with it, let me tell you it has been so inspiring to watch and see the amazing things God can do if you let him. It happened to me and what a wonderful experience it is….. even under the most difficult times.Baby Leo 😇is the most cherished and special little boy in Heaven as he was on earth, and that’s because of the beautiful way both you and Zach have handled his way to heaven. One other thing I wanted to say to you………. and that is if you ever decide to do something you said about that feeling of finding your purpose in life, I think you have found it and I think you could help so many others that this has happened to. You have a gift from God to do so when and if you are ready. If that time ever comes I am and will be your biggest👏👏cheerleader👏👏so with all that said HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ANGELA 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹I love you, you are one of the greatest Mothers ever!!!!!💕💓💗💖💞love Dawnell😘”
As the day went on and more people began talking to me, I began to openly be a witness to God’s grace and love. I was proud of myself because I had made a promise that I would bring my newfound faith to work with me. And when faced with the choice to talk about Leo, I took it. And when faced with the choice to talk about God and Jesus, I took it.
I know God is working through me and through my family’s loss to bring others to him. I was able to help alleviate some anxiety regarding a tumultuous political work atmosphere by sharing my renewed perspective after having lost you. It was so cool to see God working through me in that way and to more than just one person.
I am so sad that you aren’t physically here with me, but I am so thankful that God is here with me, walking with me. I am living with a Fearless Heart and it is amazing. I owe my strength to you, for giving your life so that God could do his will through your death. I love and miss you, my son.