Lost

Leo,
I’m sitting here next to your grave right now…feeling completely lost, devoid of purpose, and running low on self worth. Losing you was impossible, losing my dad made it even harder. Have you ever heard someone say “infinity plus one”? That’s how I’m feeling. It seems ridiculous to think you can add 1 to infinity, and yet, when it happens, the burden of the extra 1 is still very real. Yes, 1 pales in comparison to infinity, but its still 1. It still comes with its own pain.

How do I find my way back to living life with purpose? I guess I just need to go back to living life one step at a time, moving forward only when it feels like the right thing to do. I should try to pray more and hear what God is prompting me to do. I should also act on those promptings, otherwise, what was the point, right?

I know that I’ve been putting off contacting dr Mary Neal and finishing writing about “my journey”. Looks like I’ve answered my own question. after I do those things, then I will find my new next step. Until then, I need to take a step. A step of faith, a step of trust, a step towards my purposeful self.

I love you so much and I miss you more than ever. Give my dad a big hug for me.

Until I see you again,
Mom

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