Happy birthday; to you and to me!! As my life moves forward without you and I’m forced to celebrate my birthday alone, I find myself feeling like today is meaningless. It’s your birthday, yes. But you aren’t here anymore. I don’t know why I feel this way.
I suppose it’s because today kicks off the season of your presence and then of your absence. I hate my birthday because it marks day 1 of your short 26 days. What’s to celebrate about that?
I wish I didn’t have to celebrate my birthday either. I wish we were still together. I’ve got this crazy cute little family and this really supportive community….but I don’t have you. How is it that your death had the power to make everything else in my life insignificant. I think that’s wrong…
Not wrong in the sense of shame, wrong as in, it shouldn’t have happened. Since I’m stuck here without you, I should enjoy my other treasures…your sisters, your dad, my own life.
It feels impossible to enjoy my life without you but that is the life I was given. This is the life I am meant to lead. You would not have wanted me to be so sad. So today, on your second birthday, my 33rd, I promise to keep moving forward. I promise to keep seeking connection, comfort, love, and a passion for life that burns like a fire inside of me.
I love you baby boy.
Happy birthday to us!