Leo,

Happy birthday; to you and to me!!  As my life moves forward without you and I’m forced to celebrate my birthday alone, I find myself feeling like today is meaningless.  It’s your birthday, yes. But you aren’t here anymore.  I don’t know why I feel this way. 

I suppose it’s because today kicks off the season of your presence and then of your absence.  I hate my birthday because it marks day 1 of your short 26 days.  What’s to celebrate about that?

I wish I didn’t have to celebrate my birthday either. I wish we were still together. I’ve got this crazy cute little family and this really supportive community….but I don’t have you.  How is it that your death had the power to make everything else in my life insignificant.  I think that’s wrong…

Not wrong in the sense of shame, wrong as in, it shouldn’t have happened. Since I’m stuck here without you, I should enjoy my other treasures…your sisters, your dad, my own life. 

It feels impossible to enjoy my life without you but that is the life I was given. This is the life I am meant to lead. You would not have wanted me to be so sad. So today, on your second birthday, my 33rd, I promise to keep moving forward.  I promise to keep seeking connection, comfort, love, and a passion for life that burns like a fire inside of me. 

I love you baby boy. 

Happy birthday to us!

Love,

Mom