Leo, Today I drove your dad to work. Because of his surgery, he isn’t allowed to drive himself anywhere for the week. On my way home, I thought about visiting you at the cemetery but decided against it. I instantly felt guilty so I took the rest of the drive home thinking about why I […]

Leo, Well, much to my chagrin, the anxiety is creeping back in. I find myself awake at night wondering how I’m going to tell your dad that the girls have stopped breathing. At the same time, I somehow both hesitate and rush to check for the tell-tale rise and fall of your sister’s backs and […]

Leo, Yesterday your Dad and I went to an event at church called “Night of Music”. I wasn’t overly excited about going, but we were here, your dad wanted to go, so I said, “what the heck”, and went. As we were listening to these musicians and watching some of them dance, move with the […]

Good morning Leo, Today I’m missing you so very much. I miss you every day, but today is one of those days that you’re first in my thoughts. Everything I see seems to remind me of you, and every time your baby sister kicks inside my growing belly, I’m reminded that time moves me forward. […]

Leo, Today is my second Mother’s Day without you. If I sit down and think about what I’m missing out on with you, I wouldn’t be a very functional or reasonable person. Losing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Accepting that you’re gone is the second hardest. As I navigate my […]

Leo, It’s been a little bit since I’ve written to you. I think and talk about you constantly. I’ve actually been wondering about something lately. I talk to a lot of people at work and am obviously pregnant now. I don’t know most of the people I speak with, so they don’t know our story. […]

Leo, Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of your death. Leading up to that day, I found myself confused and filled with fear. Fear that I would feel the pain of this loss afresh; fear that I would re-live that night with a renewed sense of memory and detail. I’m so relieved to say that […]

Leo, A year ago today I was the happiest mom of three beautiful and healthy children. I felt that I had everything, that I knew where life was headed, and that it was all your dad’s and my doing. We were on top of the world. When I kissed you goodnight, I had no idea […]

Leo, As I inch closer to the anniversary of the day you left this world, I find myself filled with fear, confusion, and somewhere deep inside; hope.  Friday seems so far away and yet I’m thankful for every single day between now and then.  Each day that I have to “wait” to get past the […]

Leo, Right now is the time of year when you were alive and what we perceived to be well. I struggle with these alternate realities that play through my mind and heart. There’s the memory of last year; of holding and kissing you, and welcoming the final piece of our family puzzle into our lives. […]