Leo, This year I’m participating in a project called Capture Your Grief. Every day in the month of October I intend to snap a photo and tell a story about my grief. October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month and this project leads me right up to Dia de los Muertos. I think this […]
Leo, It’s been a little over 2 years since I held you, kissed you, smelled your sweet baby smell, or heard your deep cry and still, I struggle. I struggle to breathe when I try to remember what holding you felt like, I struggle to think when I try to remember our last moments alive […]
Hi Leo, I was driving down the road alone one day (I know, how did I pull that off with three kids?) when suddenly I was overcome with intense sadness. At first I thought it was me, missing you. It was but a brief moment before I realized that the feelings I had; my breath […]
Leo, I went to visit you this morning and when I arrived, I felt something I haven’t felt since you were alive. Death isn’t gender specific. I don’t think I would grieve the loss of a daughter differently than the loss of a son. I call you “my son”, I know you were my only […]
Lately I feel like I’m drowning. Drowning in grief, in sorrow, in deep ice cold water with sharks circling around me. I’ve never felt so alone…or at least I can’t remember the last time I felt so lonely. I’ve got people all around me, complimenting me, loving me, hugging me, praying for me, and yet, […]
Leo, Today I just want to die. I titled this letter “Don’t Get the Wrong Idea” because I don’t want anyone to think I’m suicidal but the truth is that I just want to die. I miss you so much that it hurts and the pain is so intense that I wish I could lay […]
Leo, Happy birthday; to you and to me!! As my life moves forward without you and I’m forced to celebrate my birthday alone, I find myself feeling like today is meaningless. It’s your birthday, yes. But you aren’t here anymore. I don’t know why I feel this way. I suppose it’s because today kicks off […]
Hi Leo, Today I broke down crying because the feeling of missing you overwhelmed me. I have been thinking of you even more strongly than usual. I had a dream about you…you looked a lot like Lily. As your second birthday approaches, I find myself feeling weaker and weaker. I’ve been so busy that I […]
Leo, I could do a million things to try and distract myself from thoughts of you, but I wouldn’t be successful. As consistently as I think about your sisters, who are alive and well, I also think of you. You are my son. Your death didn’t change that. It did rob me of the opportunity […]
Instead of writing a letter to Leo tonight, I feel like God has placed it on my heart to try and bring some order to the tornado of emotion that has surrounded me this past week. If you know me in person or on facebook, you know that some friends suddenly and unexpectedly lost their […]
Surviving SIDS 