Capture Your Grief – Day 5- Empathy
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Category Archives: Letters to Leo
Capture Your Grief – Day 2 – Intention
Leo, Today I put a lot of thought into my intention in your honor. What does that mean? What does it mean to me? How do I intend to honor you? I honor you by playing with your sisters. I honor you by cleaning your grave and leaving fresh flowers. I honor you by […]
Capture Your Grief – Day 1- Sunrise
Leo, This year I’m participating in a project called Capture Your Grief. Every day in the month of October I intend to snap a photo and tell a story about my grief. October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month and this project leads me right up to Dia de los Muertos. I think this […]
Valley of Shadows
Leo, It’s been a little over 2 years since I held you, kissed you, smelled your sweet baby smell, or heard your deep cry and still, I struggle. I struggle to breathe when I try to remember what holding you felt like, I struggle to think when I try to remember our last moments alive […]
It’s a Boy
Leo, I went to visit you this morning and when I arrived, I felt something I haven’t felt since you were alive. Death isn’t gender specific. I don’t think I would grieve the loss of a daughter differently than the loss of a son. I call you “my son”, I know you were my only […]
Drowning
Lately I feel like I’m drowning. Drowning in grief, in sorrow, in deep ice cold water with sharks circling around me. I’ve never felt so alone…or at least I can’t remember the last time I felt so lonely. I’ve got people all around me, complimenting me, loving me, hugging me, praying for me, and yet, […]
Don’t get the wrong idea
Leo, Today I just want to die. I titled this letter “Don’t Get the Wrong Idea” because I don’t want anyone to think I’m suicidal but the truth is that I just want to die. I miss you so much that it hurts and the pain is so intense that I wish I could lay […]
Happy 2nd Birthday
Leo, Happy birthday; to you and to me!! As my life moves forward without you and I’m forced to celebrate my birthday alone, I find myself feeling like today is meaningless. It’s your birthday, yes. But you aren’t here anymore. I don’t know why I feel this way. I suppose it’s because today kicks off […]
I’ll always miss you
Hi Leo, Today I broke down crying because the feeling of missing you overwhelmed me. I have been thinking of you even more strongly than usual. I had a dream about you…you looked a lot like Lily. As your second birthday approaches, I find myself feeling weaker and weaker. I’ve been so busy that I […]
Blessings
Leo, I could do a million things to try and distract myself from thoughts of you, but I wouldn’t be successful. As consistently as I think about your sisters, who are alive and well, I also think of you. You are my son. Your death didn’t change that. It did rob me of the opportunity […]
Surviving SIDS 