Leo, Yesterday I was feeling a lot of anxiety. I hadn’t packed my bag for the hospital, I still needed to buy some odds and ends to prepare for Zoe’s first weeks, and all of this just added up to me missing you and resenting that 26 days after Zoe is born, she will be […]
Leo, Late at night I wake up and just lay in bed thinking about you. I can hear your sisters softly snoring (and your dad loudly snoring) and it breaks my heart because I don’t hear or see you. People say that you’re always near me and I want to believe that, but I don’t […]
Leo, Today I drove your dad to work. Because of his surgery, he isn’t allowed to drive himself anywhere for the week. On my way home, I thought about visiting you at the cemetery but decided against it. I instantly felt guilty so I took the rest of the drive home thinking about why I […]
Leo, Well, much to my chagrin, the anxiety is creeping back in. I find myself awake at night wondering how I’m going to tell your dad that the girls have stopped breathing. At the same time, I somehow both hesitate and rush to check for the tell-tale rise and fall of your sister’s backs and […]
Leo, Good morning son. You probably knew this before I did, but your Grandma Lee has gone on to join you in heaven. I hope you guys are all together and are rejoicing in another one of Gods promises fulfilled. I’ll be honest when I say that I’m always a bit envious when someone dies […]
Dad, I had a dream about you last night. I woke up this morning with wet tears in my eyes, I know I was crying in my sleep, I remember hugging you and crying in my dream. I woke up and thought, that’s so you! In my dream, you were being a troublemaker (as usual). […]
Leo, Yesterday your Dad and I went to an event at church called “Night of Music”. I wasn’t overly excited about going, but we were here, your dad wanted to go, so I said, “what the heck”, and went. As we were listening to these musicians and watching some of them dance, move with the […]
Leo, I’m coming to notice that birthdays are really hard for me. Today is your big sister Lily’s birthday. She had such a wonderful day. But each time I feel grateful that she is still here with us, I am reminded that you’re not. I remember watching and hearing you exhale your last breath. The […]
Good morning Leo, Today I’m missing you so very much. I miss you every day, but today is one of those days that you’re first in my thoughts. Everything I see seems to remind me of you, and every time your baby sister kicks inside my growing belly, I’m reminded that time moves me forward. […]
Leo, Today is my second Mother’s Day without you. If I sit down and think about what I’m missing out on with you, I wouldn’t be a very functional or reasonable person. Losing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Accepting that you’re gone is the second hardest. As I navigate my […]
Surviving SIDS 