Leo, The past couple of days have been really tough. I had a dream about you a few nights ago. I was holding a brand new baby, it was my baby, and people were coming to visit me. Your aunt had a new baby too, and as all of our visitors marveled at the two […]
Leo, I really miss you. Looking at your pictures brings me so much joy and so much sadness all at once. It’s like a flood of emotions takes over me. I feel that it’s in those moments that I’m most vulnerable. Those times when I struggle to breathe, when I’m overwhelmed, confused, weak, those are […]
So, I’m going to break my usual format and write to you, my readers, instead of to my boy, Leo. I started this blog when Leo passed away. It was a place where I could go and tell my son the things I could no longer tell him, since he was gone. Surviving SIDS has […]
Leo, I started a new job this week. If you had asked me a month ago if I would leave UCSD, I would have said “No”. I was perfectly comfortable there and it was really the only thing left in my life that hadn’t changed. Since we sold our home, we have been looking to physically center […]
Leo, I wanted to share something I told your sister Alyssa today. You are my sunshine, Lily is my moon, Leo is the stars in the sky, And my next baby is my rainbow. After I said it, I realized the significance of the rainbow. After parent’s experience a loss, their “subsequent baby” (which […]
Leo, I cannot even begin to describe how heart-broken I am. I miss you so much that it physically hurts. When I think about you the pain literally takes my breath away. I am still so very much in love with you and I struggle to give up on my dreams for you. I miss […]
Leo, There are so many things I want to say but I don’t know where to start or where it will lead my letter. Today has been a little tough. I almost couldn’t breathe when the memory of dr mahlouf, the ER doctor that night, told your dad and me that you “expired”. In a […]
Leo, It’s been a little while since I’ve written to you. I knew at some point that life would get in the way of my grief and I would be distracted from the things that make me feel closer to you; like writing you letters. When I got to work today your picture popped up […]
Leo, I’m at church right now, listening to the pastor speak about God and how he reaches out and how we reach out in Gods name. As I was watching the video of community members who reached out and made a difference, something clicked into place. After you passed away, I searched and searched for […]
Leo, I think about you all the time. As I’m driving, as I’m taking care of your sisters, and sometimes even when your dad is talking to me, I think about the letters I want to write to you…but I can’t find the time to write them. It seems that, when inspiration strikes, it’s too […]
Surviving SIDS 