Author Archives: Angela Riggs

Saved

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June 1, 2013 8:49am Leo, I’m at la vista again. As I’m staring at your pile of flowers, I started to recite the poem I chose for your bereavement cards, “If love could only have saved you, you never would’ve died.” When I heard in my head “love saved you”. Thats when i realized that […]

Conflicted

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Leo, Wow, life is crazy right now. I feel so close to God in one way and so far away at the same time. Does that make sense? It’s like, I fully trust in Gods plan, but I don’t feel him working in me the same way I used to. It’s probably just me ignoring […]

Knowing everything

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If you could know everything that God knows, would you want to? I used to think that I would…and then 2013 happened (is happening). I felt the joy and perfection of giving birth to my amazing son, Leo. I had 26 amazing days with my bundle of pure joy and then I felt the tremendous […]

Preventing the Loss

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Leo, I’m so lost. I’m so confused, overwhelmed, and just complicated. My emotions are so mixed up right now. I miss you and I wish you were still here. Today, your dad’s cousin had her second baby. We are so thrilled for them. It reminds me of bringing Lily home from the hospital. I saw […]

Lost

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Leo, I’m sitting here next to your grave right now…feeling completely lost, devoid of purpose, and running low on self worth. Losing you was impossible, losing my dad made it even harder. Have you ever heard someone say “infinity plus one”? That’s how I’m feeling. It seems ridiculous to think you can add 1 to […]

Too painful

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Leo, It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. I hope you know that I haven’t forgotten about you…the reason I haven’t written is actually quite the opposite. On 6/20/13, your Papa Augie, my dad, passed away. You already know this, I’m sure. I am feeling numb right now. First my son, then my […]

The next day

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4/12/13 7:48am Dear Leo, I woke up today so sad that you were not in bed next to me. I wanted to reach out and hug you, smile at you, kiss your sweet warm baby cheeks, and give you breast milk as we doze in and out of sleep; just like we did every day […]

Not Enough

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Leo, I saw your picture today at work and it hit me hard…you’re really gone.  Nobody is going to knock on my door or call me to say that you’re back; that there was a cure; that this didn’t really happen.  It’s really over and my heart is hurting so badly.  I know that you’re […]

Mixed up

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Dear Leo, Sometimes I find myself feeling so dizzy. I think that the stress of losing you, of watching over your sisters extra carefully, of waiting for a final cause of death, of mourning, is getting to me physically. There are days when I just can’t stop crying and I literally cry all day long. […]